Wing & a Prayer Productions

According to the eighties romcom, ‘When Harry met Sally’, the majority of women have faked orgasm at some point during sex. Now, I am not about to take this as rock solid fact: I have no idea where the writer of the film got their figures from or even if they just made it up on the spot (and, either way, we are talking 20 years ago in another country).

But, my point is, how awful it is that anyone does fake orgasm. I know some will talk about protecting fragile male egos here (not that I’d know anything about fragile male egos!) but surely to fake anything is to go contrary to the whole point of sex.

In ancient Hebrew the phrase used of having sex was ‘to know’ someone. Therein, I think, lies the rub. The act of love making is, at heart, about knowing and being known. It is laying oneself bare before someone and saying ‘Here I am, all of me. I’m holding nothing back, good, bad, the ugly. Take me as I am.’ To be dishonest, to hold something back, is to miss the whole point. This is why the commitment of a loving relationship is so important as the context for sex: why do you want to open up on that sort of level if you don’t know that the other person is going to stick around?

Incidentally, this is where I have some reservations over the part of role play and costumes in love making. I am not whole heartedly condemning it (there is an argument about fun and playfulness to be made, I’m sure) but if someone is deliberately trying to be someone else in the act of making love, how honest is that being? (As I say, I’m not trying to make a definitive pronouncement here; as so often, I’m sure much depends on heart attitude).

So many popular magazines offer a raft of advice on ‘how to have the most amazing sex ever’. In almost every case they focus solely on the technicalities of the act. I have yet to read any magazine which talks about honesty and heart attitude.

Perhaps if they did, people might not rush into sex so mindlessly.